The last thing they said. I’ll never have to say “What?” 4 times in a row again.
You win. The amount of times I’ve wished the real world had subtitles…
Hi Taurus, I hope your birthday went well. I’m sorry that it seems I missed it.
That’s closed captioning
Huh? Does this come with all people? How do you set it?
You need one of those smart glasses, if you can avoid getting punched for wearing them
Shit, is this really a feature, because that would actually be super convenient.
How about closet captioning?
With the vague rules, I think you can have that bypass language barriers.
Phonetic spelling
Hell, just put their name, that would be a big help for me.
Ok, I change my answer.
Only if the words were intended for you to hear.
I say a lot under my breath to keep from bursting, but also keep from completely roasting the idiots I deal with daily.
Number of times they molested kids.
We truly live in the worst timeline that this would even be considered.
What’s the point though? We already know the worst offenders without this special power and not a fucking thing is being done about it.
Edit: I misunderstood the question. I thought it was for everyone to be able to see it. Yeah, this would be a good one to have to know who to avoid…
Jeeeesus Christ! I was thinking like “farts per day” or “no-blinker lane change count”. You’re going straight to the show.
First name.
“Hey Janine, can you move your cart out of the way, thanks, gonna get by here and go get some ice cream sandwiches.”
“Excuse me, Ravi, trying to get off the train, one moment, thanks.”
“Oh hey, you’re a Tanis too, just like me, neat!”
This will absolutely weird everyone out.
Oh of course I’ll play your game Rumplest… random stranger.
Tanis is a nice name.
My mom gave it to me!
(And then I kept it when I transitioned, and now she says it’s too feminine and she wishes she didn’t. No backsies, mom! It’s mine and I’ll never be your son.)
How thoughtful of your mom to give the little boy version of you a feminine name. She did you a solid without even realizing it lol
It’s an awesome name and your mom sounds like a butthead!
Tanis is a great name. Also the name of my favorite character in the first two borderlands games
Realtime running count of lies told
Oh, please, mine wouldve stopped counting by middle school.
RampantParanoia2366
Is “how much I would like them on a scale from 0 to 10 (with a resolution of like 0.01) if I got to know them at a deep level” allowed? Or is that cheating?
It’s a hypothetical question, so yeah. It can be whatever you want it to be. =)
that might be nice, or you might find out you dont know your friends and loved ones as deeply as you thought, and if you did you wouldnt really like them at all.
(Or that most everyone is likable if you invest that time, and everybody is a 9+. The horror of finding that your political boogiemen are certainly charismatic and kind to their friends…)
all the others seem a lot more invasive, so I’ll go with their pronouns/gender so I never have to ask and be awkward
then you start causing problems clocking and accidentally outing eggs and closeted trans people all over the place. even with perfect knowledge theres always politics…
If it was accurate enough, and they kinda knew, but hadn’t fully acknowledge it themselves yet, you might out them to themselves even?
yeah exactly. we all kinda know on some level, even if we dont really know ya know?
And then ill still forget their names and have to ask and be awkward
It’s not awkward to ask, I appreciate it when people do. I use any of them so it’s awkward to respond, but it’s nice that people care hahah.
I’m here to toot for the “lifetime farts” number
A recent number would be more useful; last hour, last day. They might have had a food intolerance in the past which pushed the number stratospheric which they have since learned to avoid
(Me, wheat)
Do we get a prize for having the highest number?
Asking for a friend
% of how genuine they are with me, easy to figure out who’s worth the time and who isn’t.
Could be a problem in a relationship tho. I take it back, just the cumulative numbers of fart in a lifetime.
The “genuineness” statistic sounds like the sort of thing that would gradually drive me insane.
I’d probably end up staring into the mirror and seeing an abysmally low number for myself.
I love and hate this one, really a good monkey’s paw one!
the units for farts would be interesting. i would ask for total mass of fart for a more understandable value. number of farts would be kind of ambiguous cause someone could have lots of little farts or few huge farts. some asshole would choose those asinine equivalent volume units favored by the compressed gases industry, which no one would really understand.
The time and date of their death.
Add location too, otherwise that’s just cruel.
“You’re going to die in 2 days!”
“Oh god, how? Where? Why?”
“No idea, get fucked scrub!”
They die of fretting at home, alone
Having kids makes this a burden IMO. It would be very difficult to know that any of my kids would die before me let alone the exact time
An icon to indicate if they washed their hands after the last time they used the bathroom.
Or a percentage of how clean their hands are.
Some dude with no hands just has a DIV/0 error floating over his head.
A scale of 1-10 at how likely we could be friends.
Put me in horny jail, but I think the world would be a better place if we could see a measure of how likely we could be mating partners.
I imagine everyone would be surprised by the number of 8’s, 9’s, and 10’s.
We’re very good at making friends when we try.
A boolean indicating if they want a conversation or not
or maybe between 0 and 1. that way it would be easier to see if the topic that I’ve decided is super interesting and won’t shut up about is interesting to the to the other person as well. If I start seeing the number dropping quickly, time to change topics or just walk away.
Human or Not Human
None. Someday, some company will build and sell a tool that actually does that, and it will be hella privacy invasive. Actually, it’ll probably just be another invasive feature added to the Ray Ban perv glasses.
another thing: I think most people answering here aren’t thinking about how it would feel to have the statistic they’re choosing over their own heads.
They have this already. We’re just not privy to what they gather from the masses.
Number of cumulative years they would be imprisoned for, had they been caught and convicted of every single crime they ever committed.
I’m betting most adults are not at zero.
Nobody’s at zero. It’s been said that the average American commits 3 felonies per day. The law is so long that you couldn’t read it in a lifetime. There are more criminalized actions than you can imagine.
Crime is such a subjective, context and time dépendant metric that it makes no sense to use here.
Are you one of those people who thinks things being legal equates to things being moral?
This wouldn’t impart any useful information in a world where rapist pedophiles get time served and protesters get a life sentence for being adjacent to another crime handing out zines.
I feel like this would be a misleading measure. My dad has been self medicating anxiety, adhd, trauma, and potentially autism with pot for about 40 years, in our state an oz is 6 months on first offence. If we only count that on his usual consumption rate, baring any time he’s got extra, tried other things, or the myriad of other dubious things he’s gotten into, he’s lookimg at 1,440 years in jail. If you add anything about quality, growing, having large amounts, that’s going to skyrocket. In comparison, a double homicide nets you 100 points in this hypothetical.
Put my stoner dad next to a serial pedophile with 10 victims below the age of 12 and my dad looks like a fucking monster.
Oh, I’m probably up to 1000 years just for listening to music from the internet.
Maybe the number should exclude victimless crimes.
Nah, it’s more fun to guess if the dude with 1000 years over their head is a serial killer of was in high school during the Napster/Gnutella years
Fuck, I didn’t think about that. The only reason I didn’t starve to death in highschool was the money i made torrenting moves and selling bootlegs of new or obscure films and games. I’d make Manson look like rookie numbers…
Why?
You can’t fix it until you can measure it.
If everyone knew this number about everybody, a lot of stupid laws would change overnight.
This works only if all laws are correct. Otherwise you end up seeing “100 years” for copyright infringement. In the world you imagined, who cares why they have 100 years on em? The never-can-be-bad law is always correct, and a 100 year sentence is always just and good. Otherwise who gives a fuck?
Lame. In Russia they d give you 10 years for thinking that killing neighbours is bad
I’ve been in possession of weed enough times that my number would probably be higher than someone who murdered a couple of people but never had weed on them.
