Seriously you read about people who die young, and people always pretend to care after they are already dead like “omg, this is so sad, they could’ve acomplished so much, he had a bright future ahead of him! wHaT a tRaGeDy, iF oNlY wE cOuLd’vE FoRSeEn tHiS”…
why didn’t y’all do anything while they were still alive? hypocrites…
Think you just pinpointed a major kink of your depression. Consumed by what others are thinking, even though that’s their problem and not your’s. I’m sure there’s more, but I wouldn’t be consumed about how you appear to others unless you want to live for everyone else’s ideals and the expectations rather than your own.
Disassociating from that and reclaiming my life was a huge step forward in my depression and anxiety. I think that’s one of the most common mental health pitfalls to not realise you’ve fallen into.
I think that’s one of the key things that makes folk generally feel happier when they’re older. I’m 48 and have never been so comfortable in my own skin, despite naturally being less physically healthy and attractive than in my teens.
I used to care so much about what peers thought, but now I’ve lived long enough to realise how few of the people I was worried about pleasing are still in my life and how unimportant they are as the journey of life plays out.
If I’d have known this in my teens I’d have been way happier. You just have to treat people well and, where it’s not reciprocated, forget about them and move on.
If everyone decides to hate you and treat you like you’re contagious for having depression because mental health stigma has come back with a vengeance over the past five years, then that absolutely is your problem.
If you can’t land a job because potential employers always ask about that gap in your resume that you can’t explain cause you were too depressed to function, that’s definitely your problem too.
I’m sick of this “Oh just stop caring what other people think of you, it’ll be fine.” It’s no better than saying “Why are you depressed? Your life is fine. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, get out of bed, take a shower, eat healthier, get some exercise, find a hobby, go out and meet people, make friends, yadda yadda yadda.”
It puts the impetus on the person suffering from depression to somehow magically bootstrap their way back to perfect mental health by some imaginary force of will as if it were as simple as flipping a light switch, when for many people with depression the reality is that they’ve tried all things and can’t manage to do them with any consistency, the depression itself makes them infinitely harder, and often some of these options simply aren’t on the table (like “making friends” in a word that’s collectively allergic to depressed people). If you cant remember the last time you were genuinely happy, because you were basically a young kid at that time, then your physical brain has developed in ways that leave it deficient in the structures and functions that produce the experience of happiness.
What is so hard to understand about that?
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Is anyone who’s backed into a corner there because they backed themselves into it? Cause that seems concerningly adjacent to victim-blaming mentality.
We don’t do it for abuse victims, we don’t do it for people in poverty, and we don’t do it for people with chronic (physical) illnesses or permanent injuries. So why is it okay to do it for people with depression?
I think that’s the spirit of this post.
And just because I don’t have a viable miracle solution doesn’t mean I can’t tell you what doesn’t work. That’s a silly notion. If the solution is so simple, I wouldn’t have been suffering from depression for so long.
People like you seem to believe we choose to be depressed, because why? You think we just like the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness? You think we enjoy constant despair and don’t ever want to be lifted out of it?
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Is anyone who’s backed into a corner there because they backed themselves into it?
Yes. The corner doesn’t actually exist. A big mental hurdle is realising there’s nothing stopping someone from doing whatever they want. We have social contracts, but they’re also a part of the problem if taken too seriously.
I frequently remind myself, “If I were born the only human on earth, knowing none of this, what would I be doing right now?” and I aspire to be that person, because that’s the true me.
99% of people’s “life problems” are rooted in other people existing. Others are not to blame, of course, but it’s just something to be aware of when taking care of one’s mental health. The corner only exists and feeds on acknowledgment.
For me its not so much that, its moreso just that I am disgusted by those that claim to be virtuous and pretend to care. Most people only care about others socially, when those people are struggling they rarely help unless theres social consequences for not helping.
I just hate hypocrites
When there’s a big, performative event for Suicide Prevention Month, everyone turns out and it’s a big thing with mock sympathy and moral pedestal standing. Everyone tosses around mottos like “seeking help isn’t a weakness, it’s a strength” and whatnot.
But when you personally struggle with suicidal ideations, even during Suicide Prevention Month, and you try mentioning it anywhere, everyone shrieks and treats you like an asshole, and then nobody comes near you for the rest of your life…
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“Seeking help isn’t a weakness!” Until someone actually seeks help, then it’s always “Well you just need to help yourself.”
While people are alive, their accomplishments are always being compared to expectations; but if they die before accomplishing anything, the expectations are all that’s left.
Wow, showerthought #2
Often they’re sad he didn’t realize he had a bright future ahead. Fortunately, you do. Or if you didn’t, you do now. You can’t judge your life by how it is now. Especially with the world in shitty shape generally. But mostly because you’re young. Regrets for your wasted promise are a privilege reserved for old farts like myself. You still have choices to make, and time for them to play out. Choose as well as you can. And don’t be afraid to change directions as necessary.
Calling someone a loser or saying they haven’t accomplished anything is a judgement on someone’s past and present self.
Talking about someone’s bright future is recognition of the fact that they had potential and opportunities that will never be realized.
If you’re thinking about suicide, please call 988 (USA) or an equivalent service in your country. I hope you get well soon.
The 988 where they trace your phone call and send armed thugs to your house so they can take you to a place you don’t wanna be?
Lol, nah, I’m good, I’d rather just rant online
What? Ok so I’ll ignore how ridiculous that is and just suggest another resource because talking about being depressed and how people will remember you or not in the same sentence is a big red flag for suicidal thoughts.
-crisis text line: text hello to 741741
People just say that to make themselves feel better. Or maybe they believe their “loser” friend would have one day come out of it.
If this is you, I highly recommend reading The Power of Now. Hugely helpful book thats not preaching or religious, it just focuses on how to live life in the now, which is how you achieve true peace and happiness. There is nothing but the now.
I read it a few times every year. Its been massively stress relieving.
Edit: Your post made me think of this, but more seriously, yeah there are some things that spiral. I think many people have felt the spiral of a depressing mood, if not proper depression. If you are feeling it now, I hope things turn around for you soon. You got this.
Thanks for being a great member of this community.
You don’t have to care about someone to acknowledge that they could have done much more if they didn’t pass away at a young age. Even you still have that opportunity.
A lot of people struggle with depression, but like most things in life, the key is practice. Just keep it up, don’t get discouraged! One day you will be great at depression.
So great at depression, you um… die by big sad
If you are, hang in there. The emotional weather can change!
Lmao “hang in there”
Oh I’m hanging in there alright, just barely hanging by the neck 💀
.< that was not my intention!
Hindsight is 20/20, even Van Gogh was totally ignored until after his tragic death.
Shot himself in the chest allegedly
Edited to correct my incorrect statement.
That’s because the media and the government will use your dead to do their propaganda
The moment they are struggling with depression I make out with them. How does that make me a hypocrite?
