Generally speaking, it’s a conversation with someone who’s capable of guiding you to better choices and responses. How “warm and cuddly” that is depends on the therapist. Trying different therapists until you find someone youre truly comfortable with is part of it all.

How quickly it “starts to work” is entirely dependent on a) How honest you are, b) how open you are to outside perspectives, and c) how much baggage you’ve got to unpack.

As an adult, you should be fully protected by doctor-patient confidentiality and HIPAA unless youre threatening yourself or others. There are very clear benchmarks for that, but ymmv depending on location. Im not from Ohio so 🤷‍♂️

If youre on the queer or autistic/adhd spectrums, try to find someone who specializes in that. They’ll know how to help you without putting you at risk.

And ALWAYS avoid free counselors. Theyre usually tied to religious charities and will steer you toward their perspectives, or put you at risk for being queer etc. Just stay away. It’s like any other trade, if theyre worth it, pay them.

Everything @A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world said. For me I used a website to book 6 consultations with different therapists (15 minutes each) to figure out who I like that could work with my insurance, too. Having quick chats helped me figure out who was good for me and I’ve been seeing them ever since.

First of all, different titles (e.g. psychologist, psychotherapist, social worker, counsellor, etc.) require different levels/types of education and experience and you should be able to look up whether they’re in good standing with your state/provincial/federally regulated organizations. So you can look up how long they’ve been practicing, and what qualifications they have.

Second of all, it’s common to try several before you find someone that’s a good fit. It might take a few sessions before you decide whether it’s a match.

Thirdly, be wary of anyone that seems to be asking leading questions or giving you advice on what to do. A good therapist will help you build the skills you need to come to your own decisions. No one knows your life better than you do and it’s their job to pass along the appropriate interpretation of their training on to you. They aren’t there to pass judgement on you, your life, or the people/relationships in your life.

Lastly, I wish you all the best. It took me a long time to find my current therapist and it’s been life changing. I learned a lot along the way, and I hope your journey brings you what you need.

Different therapists may treat you differently. They should be very receptive to your needs on that. Ask them to treat you how you want. It’s important that you feel they’re being honest with you.

Result time depends on you. For example you may partly need validation that you are in fact, doing something about your problems and that thought can kick start it. Some things come in the first week. But you’ll also hit the limit of plasticity in the brain where some things are just going to take 6 weeks or several months of dedicated effort to see results.

I have started and stopped therapy a zillion times before. People would always tell me “go to therapy”. It’s kind of insulting, honestly, as if it was some magic cure all way to dismiss me.

What I’ve found is that therapy doesn’t help if you don’t have a specific enough problem to work on!! So people would always tell me “go to therapy” and I couldn’t figure out wtf I was supposed to work on there so the therapists didn’t focus on anything helpful either.

BUT I feel like I’ve just finally discovered a specific thing I want to work on after years and years of this back and forth BS. So I researched a therapist that is said to use a specific therapy modality to treat my specific problem. We’ll see how it goes with her.

ALSO…it has been frustrating to me, but I’ve found that most therapists I’ve come across are just simply “talk therapists”. There is no real goal other than giving you validation and some general advice and vague concepts and techniques. This can be great for people…but for me it just hasn’t been helpful enough. It just doesn’t give me solid enough direction. But maybe a talk therapist is what you need…who knows?

I realize these don’t answer your questions directly, but I figured I’d share what I learned to hope if might help you. Best of luck.

You’re allowed to decide a therapist isn’t a good fit for you and go for a new one. You should be aiming for a therapist you feel you can trust.

Therapy is mostly just awkward at first. It begins with learning to talk about how you’re feeling, and from there it’s largely just being gently nudged in different directions.

Results are often slow, but sometimes you have breakthroughs. Different types of therapy have different speeds though, and they’ll feel different too.

Personally my therapist doesn’t write much down specifically so that nothing can be subpoenaed. She told me that from the start. You’re allowed to ask about it and if they get mad you can thank them for their time and find someone else.

Never been to therapy myself but just saying good luck to you. Curious to see the responses here myself. Been in a seriously depressed state for the past six years, but in the last two months taken huge steps to get out of it.

Still dunno if I’ll give therapy a shot, but there’s been improvement on my own front which ain’t nothin’.

There’s plenty of positive advice here, so I’ll write some negative things. If you feel like the therapy is not working for you, as people have pointed out, change therapists. Go through multiple ones, don’t give up!

The reality still is though, that therapy isn’t a magical cure that fixes everything. Depending of your problems, it might not work no matter how many therapists you go through, no matter how many years of therapy you do. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try, no - absolutely do try. It also doesn’t mean the problem is you, sometimes things just don’t go how people say they should.

Therapy has not worked for me; it can’t fix my shitty physical health, and it can’t fix how unfit to society I am because of my autism. My friend did ten years of therapy, but still killed themselves. There’s no cure for everything, not everyone gets a happy ending. But maybe you do; you never know unless you try! That trying is a huge step you can be proud of taking, no matter what.

First of all, congratulation for taking the courage and charge and going for therapy! That by itself shows your dedication and determination 👍

Already many excellent answers here by others.

I would add, that you may ask about the way how therapy in their version is supposed to work. Otherwise you may just miss the essence of their questions and the whole thing would be ruined. So asking at the very beginning may be super helpful.

You are never stuck with a particular therapist. Finding the right therapist for you is critical. If one isn’t working out, you need to switch. A good therapist will challenge you and provide specific things to work on outside of therapy. If they aren’t doing that, they aren’t a good therapist.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLY68svEg1bAjO1evL2s2saTTi-69uhqFR

You should also know that certain diagnosis can be used against you. Example of pilots licensing with the FAA can be jeopardized with a depression diagnosis for instance. Which isn’t to say don’t be forth coming, just balance that against risks.

https://psychcentral.com/depression/faa-still-stigmatizes-depression-mental-illness

I’ve been working on myself a lot recently and realized that I can’t do this alone anymore (or rely on Internet strangers to talk about my issues). I feel like I finally have the strength to ask for help in the real world. I’ve just never done this before.

That’s awesome! Be sure to acknowledge your own effort and reflect on the progress you’ve made, especially whenever you’re feeling stuck or frustrated about the things you feel still need work.

What’s it like? Is it warm and fuzzy, or cold and analytical? (Does it feel like someone is providing care and comfort, or is it more like an emotionally detached scientist meticulously studying you and scribbling down notes while mumbling “Hmm, I see, I see” while you yap at them?)

Maybe yes, or maybe no, or maybe some or all or none of the above. As others have noted, therapists can come to their work with a variety of different backgrounds, potentially trained in a variety of different methods and philosophies, with different ideas about the how and the why and the nature of the patient-therapist relationship. They also come with their own personalities, which influences all of this. A good therapist will do their best to make the interaction something that works for you. Even so, as others have mentioned, sometimes it can take time to find a good fit. The first time I saw a therapist, I felt like it just wasn’t clicking, they weren’t understanding me, and we weren’t getting anywhere, even after a few months of weekly sessions. So I stopped going and languished for a while. Eventually I decided to give it another try, and found someone who really helped me make progress with my anxiety. Much as you couldn’t get along with just anybody as a roommate, or not just anybody could be your best friend, or not just any shoe will fit your foot, so too can not just any anybody be a good therapist for you. So, don’t get discouraged if the first therapist you meet doesn’t seem like a good fit - it happens sometimes.

Do you start to see results right away, or are things slow at first?

Something like treating a specific phobia (e.g. spiders or elevators) often sees noticeable results faster than treating complex trauma from years-long childhood abuse. It just depends. It depends what you need help with, what you’re willing and able to tolerate, and the methods used, but generally progress is slow to get started. Expect the first session or two to be pretty much just the therapist getting to know you, what your concerns are, and where you’re already at with the work you’ve done yourself. Also, working through trauma and anxiety and big feelings is really hard sometimes, so expect there to be difficult points where you feel like you’re not making any progress, or sessions that make you feel emotionally drained. But, if you feel like something isn’t working, or it’s causing you too much distress, or any other concern, then don’t fret or hesitate to say so. Any half decent therapist will listen to your concerns and do their best to help address them.

How much stuff is recorded in a database that other systems can look up?

It depends what you mean by “other systems”? Some electronic medical records systems are accessible across an organization, and rarely in between organizations who use the same software, but even then it should only ever be accessed by someone who is involved in your care/treatment. And even then, psychotherapy notes typically have an extra layer of privacy and legal protection. Nothing is automatically getting sent to like a government database, if that’s what you’re concerned about (at least, not in the USA - but I assume/hope it’s similar in most places?). If you use insurance, they’ll have to give the insurer certain details like a diagnosis code and length of sessions, but nothing more detailed than that.

I wish you well! It has been a bumpy road sometimes, but going to therapy has significantly improved my life.

First, call your insurance carrier to find out who is in network, and get an idea about the costs.

Second, depending on your situation and how resilient you are, it can take years to undo learned behaviors that were used to survive or cope in your current abusive conditions. A good therapist will help you see that there are other ways to think about the things bothering you and help you develop tools to manage your emotions, set boundaries, and care for your emotional well being.

Third, it can take a while to find a provider you like. Don’t be afraid to find a new therapist if you feel like the one you have isn’t being helpful.

With respect to your insurance company, the only thing that’s going to be on file is the claim from the provider, which will list the diagnosis, and they type of service they provided, (30 minute visit, 60 minute visit.) Your claims, and explanations of benefits are protected by HIPAA law, which means only you, the insurance company, and the provider have a right to have access to those records on file with the insurance company. If your parents attempt to get those records without your permission, (a signed form,) the insurance company and provider will tell them to go fuck themselves, but in a more polite manner.

Your provider might take notes about your sessions, those are protected by HIPAA privacy law. You can expect the things you discuss with your therapist to remain private; HOWEVER, a therapist is a mandated reporter. Laws in all 50 states require a therapist to contact authorities if a patient is a danger to themselves, to others, and/or if the therapist suspects that a known child is being abused.

If your therapist is recommending medication, find a psychiatrist, do not do that shit through a primary care doctor.

Wait for the third visit to have sex with them.