I have this online female friend and we have been friends for almost 4 years now. We met in an online game. She’s the one who asked my social media ID so we can play together. And she seems to have done to a lot of people as well. So she was kinda collecting a lot of friends. Have seen people get nto her lobbies and say “Thank you so much for listening to me the other day,” “You are really a kind person” and so on. There was this one guy used to address her as his “bi*ch”. At this I thought they were a couple but apparently they met on the game and known eachother for only a few months and were just friends.
She used to text me first whenever she was about to play. And used to check on me if I hadn’t appeared on the game for a week or two.
Later we got close. I stopped gaming but she still plays other games. But after I got close, she stopped texting me first. Only would chat with me if I texted her first. I asked her why she never texts me about anything. She goes “Uhh I am not that type to text people first” “I never do that to anyone” “I think you’re just busy” and so on.
So all this weird behaviour had me thinking why she is doing all this? What are her motives? What kind of person is she?
I did ask her these questions many times but only got vague answers. She also never gives anything about her other online friends and usually becomes defensive when I bring them up in a conversation.
First thing, a hard truth.
She is not, and never was, that in to you. She never considered you to be more than a casual friend, and never wanted more out of the relationship.
Second, she, almost certainly, has a difficult time finding reliable people to game with that don’t ultimately confess some unrequited affection for her. As a result, she will instinctively pull away from relationships she feels are heading in that direction.
Something I wish I had learned earlier, If you have to initiate every conversation, you can just stop. She’s moved on, you can too. You’ll be ok guy.
Kinda just seems like she likes to play games with people and so had a list of people she could contact to play. You used to be a reliable candidate, and now you’re not.
I don’t know what you envision as “getting close,” but is it possible she didn’t view y’all as being close?
I’m guessing y’all have asymmetrical goals and expectations. She realized this and adapted.
Honestly this is not the case. I have been very disconnected for the 1st year or so meeting her. Our texts spaced around hours or even days. We used to go back and forth sending delayed texts before the topics dies.
Later I have started being more active and she did the same. She was the one who said I have gotten close to her and not just my assumption.
Expectations wise, I was very clear from the start. But I am guessing she did had other expectations from how she entertained such expectations from her other friends.
As to the not texting you first thing: one possibly is she gets a lot of unwanted male attention from those who over-interpret her niceness as romantic interest, and she is really leery of encouraging anyone. She might be afraid you have such interest.
As someone else said, it seems pretty obvious that you two have different asynchronous goals. Be a gentleman and let her be; poor girl.
It really wasn’t the case at all, I can assure you that. I really don’t pursue people if they didn’t like me. I have confirmed with her many times, if I was bothering her and her answer was always no.
I want to all to think from my perspective. My assumption is she was collecting these friends and was liking all the attention they were giving her. She gate-keeping her friends to only herself and not letting us all be one group is kinda telling something I believe.
Who knows. Maybe. But for the love of god, don’t think if a women is talking to you it has to be out of romantic interest. Place yourself in her shoes. You’re talking to a guy that’s good at a game you like, so you team up. Great. You talk about your life ecc, like you would with a friend. Because he is your friend. Then your friend stops playing the game you liked and nonetheless reclaims that you spend time with him because, well, he’s infatuated with you and though you two had something going on without any evidence; completely misunderstanding your intentions and betraying your trust. Idk, I wouldn’t feel like hanging out with him anymore.
Just remember that there are male-female friendships and not everything needs to be romantic.
Have you ever suspected any of your male friends of doing any of this?
If a gaming friend started asking me about my intentions with other gaming friends that they don’t know, I’d be VERY creeped out by that. It sounds to me like you were looking for more than friends and got disappointed when you discovered that she just wants gaming partners.
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females
Did you mean “women?”
females
Perhaps you meant “women?”
female
Pretty sure you actually meant “woman.”
No issue, no awkward moment, no creepiness nothing.
You sure about that? Your disdain, misunderstanding, and disregard for women in general was on full display in this one post. Its entirely possible that within 2 days of conversation the woman you were talking with realized you weren’t the kind of person she wanted in her life.
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Your in-group language may be viewed as acceptable within your siloed communications, but that doesn’t mean it’s generally appropriate. “Female” is an adjective, and we already have an appropriate word in English for a female person, “woman.”
The use of “female” as a noun is objectifying and dehumanizing–reflecting terminology generally reserved for describing other animals.
I’d encourage you to ask some women how they feel about the term and take their responses to heart, but apparently you can’t keep their attention for more than 2 days.
Oh, and who you calling “you people?”
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Really she does feels like this type. They poke for our attention and once they get it, they want us to chase them from there on. But I kept giving her benefit of doubt all these years. I have tried separating many times too but couldn’t do it cuz she became my only friend I was close with. And she still is my only close friend who knows me deeply.
Maybe I should try picking up a hobby or something. Let’s see.
You don’t talk about ‘close friends’ like that.
Yeah, everyone should have a couple hobbies. I highly recommend FPV drones.
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