I’m looking for a job. I saw Alice works at ACME brick. Bob knows Alice. Bob and I used to work together. I asked Bob if he could introduce me to Alice so I can ask Alice 1) for help getting in touch with the hiring manager and 2) what the company culture is like. Bob said yes and I asked Alice my questions, with Bob CC’ed in the message.
This has seemed OK with most people. However Bob said my conversation with Alice seemed one sided and excessive and like I was taking advantage of him just to get to the hiring manager. I am, correctly, asking for help getting to the hiring manager, for inside info. I am not only asking that, but it is part of what I’m asking. I am also asking about company culture and advice when talking to the interviewer. Bob was very upset and I think I’ve burned that bridge.
Is this wrong, in general? Is it OK but not asking too often? Most people seemed to be OK with it, but I worry they were just being polite and I’ve been unknowingly pissing off my entire social life and hurting my chances at getting a job. (why yes, I do have anxiety and take meds.)
Job hunting is a god damn jungle, so everything that works in your favor goes. But I do think you owe Bob a beer over dinner.
Yeah, this pretty much sums it up. Didn’t really do anything wrong, but it sounds like you rubbed your buddy the wrong way. Smooth things over with him and move along with life
I’m currently looking for a second career job. I’ve put out literally 100+ resumes in the past couple of months. The only two positions I’ve heard back from were from agencies where I knew someone.
Asking for help/an in is not only acceptable, but in many situations, the only way to get a position.
Don’t feel bad for something everyone else is doing.
Conversely, anytime I’ve worked somewhere where a position opens that a friend of mine may benefit, I let them know and will hunt down the hiring manager once my friend applies.
No. It’s not wrong. Is Bob your personal friend? It sounds like you are only ex-coworkers. Getting in touch with ex-coworkers to find work is what business networks are largely about.
I asked Bob if he could introduce me to Alice so I can ask Alice 1) for help getting in touch with the hiring manager and 2) what the company culture is like. Bob said yes and I asked Alice my questions, with Bob CC’ed in the message.
This has seemed OK with most people. However Bob said my conversation with Alice seemed one sided and excessive and like I was taking advantage of him just to get to the hiring manager.
Was Bob upset because he didn’t know that was your intent or just letting you know that you didn’t handle the interaction well and that it makes him look bad?
Doing something that is common can still get push back if it isn’t handled well.
Was Bob upset because he didn’t know that was your intent
I don’t think so. I’m pretty up front about my goals. I messaged Bob and said that I am looking for a job and I want to ask Alice questions. Literally. “Could you introduce me or send my contact info over? I’d like to get an inside perspective about the work environment and ask more about the job.”
I then asked questions like “can you introduce me to the hiring manager or send my contact info their way? Additionally, what’s the work culture like? Are bosses on your case all the time or are they asking how they can help? Do people like working there or does everyone complain? What’s the work hours like?”
Soinds like Bob thought you were too direct and too fast in asking a lot of questions instead of ‘getting to know’ Alice or something along those lines by calling it one sided. That could be a valid complaint, since most people don’t want to be contacted for a list of specific questions that will have answers in their email history. They mostly want to volunteer what they are comfortable first and maybe answer follow up questions. Like I wouldn’t answer a question about ‘bosses being on everyone all the time’ or if coworkers complain all the time in an email.
Bob could also be wrong and making a huge deal out of nothing too. I’ve worked with a few people who assume the worst from and email exchange without actually talking to the people involved. But more likely you came on way too strong too fast and if you worded it that way in the email then your approach was too strong for someone you don’t know.
Oooh this may be it. I’ve been told before that I do this. (the first paragraph)
One way to think about it is what would you volunteer in front of a crappy boss when asking question to someone new. Anything you night not want to say is something you shouldn’t ask directly. Asking about the positive aspects isn’t what you really want, but asking about them lets them volunteer negatives or offer to talk to you in a way they might not worry about getting back to them.
Yeah that’s the other thing. We know what OP is saying, but what was Bob’s understanding of the intent? That’s context that would help figure out if Bob’s upset because he feels used or if he’s moreso embarrassed by how the email went down.
I read it as Bob was fine with it as a concept but was letting OP know they came in too strong and probably pissed Alice off. Or Bob thinks Alice will be pissed off.
Based on the words in the post Bob is embarrassed about how OP approached Alice.
It’s called “networking” and it’s completely acceptable.
It’s like any other social interaction; you have to be able to ‘read the room’ and gauge how the otehr person is feeling.
I don’t think it’s wrong necessarily, it just depends on the vibes of the email. Also Bob’s relation to Alice may have intricacies you aren’t aware of. How friendly is he with her, and what exactly did he say to her? Apparently Bob thought you went overboard with the questioning. I wouldn’t dwell too much on it, but just saying personal relations can be tricky.
Me I prefer to do things more informally. For example, I could let Bob talk to Alice and get back to me himself. Of course that’s inconveniencing Bob and I’d super owe him one. Or if Bob gave me Alice’s contact info (after he told her what was going on and she consented), I’d just reach out to her on my own. Send a text or something. Also idk about your line of work, but some people are weird about emails lol. Some wanna do things through email, some by text/phone.
Heck that’s the entire actual reason for LinkedIn’s existence.
