

To preface this: The science seems a bit inconclusive on the exact effects on sexual function or sensitivity. This review paper from 2023 in the Journal “Sexual Medicine Review” suggests that: “Despite the conflicting data reported in articles, the weight of the scientific evidence suggests there is not sufficient data to establish a direct association between male circumcision and sexual dysfunction.”
Unfortunately most papers are paywalled and we’d have to weed through the source papers to judge methodical weaknesses as well, since a lot of it is self-reporting. (I remember reading but can’t find a paper right now, where they tested a more objective pressure threshold that could be felt in circumcised and uncircumcised males and found some difference. But I can’t remember how significant the difference was.)
I’ve met a guy who was bullied in high school so bad for it he got a circ as an adult. (…) I don’t want to make him feel like something’s wrong with him his whole life because I was uncomfortable with the idea.
It’s a value judgement. But if you ask me personally, I would not try to avoid potential (not ensured) bullying by doing a lasting medical procedure. Especially considering that like with every such procedure there is a risk of complications (3.84% overall). Much rather I’d try to be there for him, if there is bullying and see to it, that he doesn’t feel shame around it.
Apparently crazy painful recovery.
That sounds like complications. Generally there’s more complications when it’s for therapeutic reasons and with higher age.
I’ve also talked to women who are generally grossed out by uncircumcised men. And I know women who prefer it the other way round. Again, you know your cultural environment better than me, but I don’t think you should make a decision like this on subjective opinions of some limited anecdotes. Also: Even if these opinions were objectively prevalent, they can change geographically or over time. And: Think about the kind and quality of a relation that falls apart because of something like that.
And last but not least, we have a view of a clinician in this topic who highlights the necessity of teaching him good hygiene to avoid phimosis (or general build up of smegma and its risks) and the role you think you can and want to play in his upbringing. There’s a lot of people around the world who are uncircumcised and I don’t think there is any prevalent medical downside from it. And I would absolutely add as a precaution, that such a procedure, if you chose to do it, should absolutely be made in an appropriate medical facility by qualified doctors.





It’s a bit difficult to advise on such a thing without knowing the people and their situations, so I’ll keep it as general as possible and mention a few common traps. And it won’t be a clear yes or no, because in the end, only you two can make the decision and take responsibility for your own lives.
When people say, that you change a lot during your 20s (or longer for that matter), it’s because of several things, but I’d say the most important are:
First: Your ability to interpret and regulate emotions (the prefrontal cortex is the last part of the brain to fully develop and continues to do so in your 20s). And with that identifying subconscious emotional wounds and patterns driving your decisions, so you can take appropriate action to change your programming where it isn’t helpful. In a relationship context both of your attachment styles are very relevant here.
Second: Identifying and letting go of values and ideas that have been instilled in you by your vicinity (parents, religion, friends, TV, internet, or society in general) and identifying your own intrinsic values and drivers. Or in other words: Learning who you, yourself, really are. I know it feels like you already know, but that feeling can be deceiving. I for one don’t know of a single person who is let’s say 35 and would claim that they truly knew themselves at 20, let alone 17.
So when you say “It has always been my dream to have a family of my own, and that motivated me to propose: why wait if you know what you want?”, I hear some alarm bells going off. I would advise you and your fiancée to be very introspective, where this want came from and whether it truly aligns with yourselves and with your current situation, or whether it came from external influences. This is hard to do at your age, even if there is a chance that you are both already mature enough in that regard. Also be very aware, what marriage actually means. To you, to her, to others (e.g. is it a box to tick off, or is it a gate to real fulfillment?) and legally.
I read in one of the answers that you haven’t had a real fight yet. A primary predictor of relationship success is your way of conflict resolution. Now don’t go looking for artificial conflict to see how you react. But if you for example were to take things in steps, like moving in together before you get married, these conflicts will arise naturally and you would be able to see how that goes. And even if it goes badly at first, if you are both conscious of it and willing, you can both work on the way you react to and communicate during conflict (and in general) to make it succeed. A small word of caution and something to explore (not assuming it’s necessarily the case here): A pattern I see often in couples who “don’t have fights”, is that at least one of the two is avoiding it. Which can be ok, but not if it means always (consciously or unconsciously) abandoning their own boundaries or values.
What complicates all of that, is what people now seem to call “new relationship energy”. Basically the hormonal cocktail of your system that makes you feel so excited and in love with the other person. This leads people to ignore existing and potential friction and romanticize the idea of a future with the partner. While it is possible to “keep a spark alive” for your whole life, if you do it right, this “energy” for a lack of a better word, will wear off at some point. At which time other factors like communication skills, conflict resolution, the emotional depth of the relationship and value/need/want alignment become even more important.
I could go on and on (what’s your plan for education, jobs, place to live, kids, …), but I think these are the most relevant parts to make a decision with both eyes open. The journey can be magical as you get to know yourself and the other person together and witness and be part of the growth together. But it will get bumpy and how you two can navigate those bumps will determine where you’ll end up. No matter the success, it will be a learning experience. If you are willing to learn and act accordingly.
Good luck you two. And don’t forget to enjoy and experience your lives!