As a Japanese person, my first reaction was, “That sounds exhausting.” I’m genuinely curious, though. Is this something most Americans enjoy, or is it one of those social expectations that not everyone is actually comfortable with?
This phenomenon is the same here in Canada so I will pitch in. It is not enjoyed. It is not hated. It merely is. When a neighbour needs help, you help them. Even if its the neighbour with the yappy dog. There is no emotion tied up in it one way or another. Its just the right thing to do.
Yeah, this is really normal. It’s one of the rare things that I absolutely, genuinely like about my country. If someone says they need help, even a total stranger, you help them.
The good Americans are pretty free with their labor when it comes to their neighbors, and the definition of ‘neighbor’ is pretty loose. If I met you five minutes ago, you need help with something, and we live in the same city, you’re my neighbor.
On the total stranger thing: last time I moved we got everything in except for a mattress. There were three of us and we couldn’t get it up the stairs. Some random man was walking by and saw us, offered to help and then just hauled the mattress up the stairs by himself and was like “have a good one” and carried on with his day lol.
Definitely not something I’ve heard of. This is either very old school America (50-80s) or something done in very small towns where everyone knows one another.
That said, this is definiely something I know friends would do for each other. Truck or not. You have some boys over to help move some stuff around, you cook or grab food for them an pay the bill. But you gotta be pretty good friends for me to call you up like that (or vice versa).
This is pretty much how it works in Canada too. It can be a bit of a pain (especially if someone is moving in winter) but it’s just one of those camaraderie things you do. If you’re gonna move you let your friend group know, and you can pretty much rely on about 60-75% of them showing up to help, and in return you feed and beer them. Then when someone else is moving you do the same for them.
If you have a good excuse you can sometimes skip one, but if you never show up (especially if other people have already helped you move) that’s very bad. Nobody will say anything, but the group remembers.
If you empathize with having to move a heavy sofa up several flights of stairs with only two people, you help move a stranger’s sofa. There’s no enjoyment. It sucks for everyone. People get hurt and bump around and say, “sorry” and “ow” a lot. That’s what the pizza/beer is for.
Even if you’re moving it at 9:00 am, you crack a beer when you’re done. It’s more volunteer work than civic duty, but it feels more rewarding than a shift at the food bank.
It’s one of those social expectations not everyone is comfortable with. I think it comes from a good place though. It’s essentially community sourced mutual aid. For lack of, you know, easy access to aid from society as a whole.
Enjoyment is not in the act itself. Enjoyment comes from the appreciation of your fellow citizen who needed a thing moved that they were unable to move without help… And pizza.
I don’t find it uncomfortable. You’re there to do a job, you do it, you get your pizza and the appreciation of your fellow human, you go home.
You’re there for a purpose. People want you there for that purpose. You might not be good at it, but you’re there and that’s the important part. At the end of the day, the thing is done.
It’s a social contract, and it’s not exclusive to guys.
I agree that this story depicts one of the beautiful aspects of human nature. It also sheds light on what has been lost in the process of modernization.
However, when I actually try to imagine myself living in that society, I don’t feel like I could survive in it. I guess it’s a typical Japanese response.
Reading the comments made me realize a couple of things.
When I said it sounded “exhausting,” I wasn’t really talking about the physical work of moving the sofa. I meant the effort of maintaining the relationships behind it. In many cases, the pizza isn’t really the reward. From a Japanese perspective, sharing a meal with someone can actually feel like the more demanding part unless you’re very close. Sometimes, even with close friends, it can feel like a bit of an obligation.
I think we have a different idea of what “neighbors” and “friends” mean. For many people in Japan today, neighbors are essentially strangers. There are probably still rural communities where neighbors help each other, but that’s much less common in cities. As for friends, we generally don’t rely on them for everyday necessities. Of course we’re happy to help our friends when they need it, but friendship itself isn’t expected to function as part of the infrastructure of daily life. We don’t stay friends because we need each other. We stay friends because we enjoy each other’s company.
As a Japanese person, my first reaction was, “That sounds exhausting.” I’m genuinely curious, though. Is this something most Americans enjoy, or is it one of those social expectations that not everyone is actually comfortable with?
This phenomenon is the same here in Canada so I will pitch in. It is not enjoyed. It is not hated. It merely is. When a neighbour needs help, you help them. Even if its the neighbour with the yappy dog. There is no emotion tied up in it one way or another. Its just the right thing to do.
Yeah, this is really normal. It’s one of the rare things that I absolutely, genuinely like about my country. If someone says they need help, even a total stranger, you help them.
The good Americans are pretty free with their labor when it comes to their neighbors, and the definition of ‘neighbor’ is pretty loose. If I met you five minutes ago, you need help with something, and we live in the same city, you’re my neighbor.
On the total stranger thing: last time I moved we got everything in except for a mattress. There were three of us and we couldn’t get it up the stairs. Some random man was walking by and saw us, offered to help and then just hauled the mattress up the stairs by himself and was like “have a good one” and carried on with his day lol.
100% this, if anyone needs my help and I don’t have a conflict. I’ll help.
Definitely not something I’ve heard of. This is either very old school America (50-80s) or something done in very small towns where everyone knows one another.
That said, this is definiely something I know friends would do for each other. Truck or not. You have some boys over to help move some stuff around, you cook or grab food for them an pay the bill. But you gotta be pretty good friends for me to call you up like that (or vice versa).
Your comment resonates with me.
This is pretty much how it works in Canada too. It can be a bit of a pain (especially if someone is moving in winter) but it’s just one of those camaraderie things you do. If you’re gonna move you let your friend group know, and you can pretty much rely on about 60-75% of them showing up to help, and in return you feed and beer them. Then when someone else is moving you do the same for them.
If you have a good excuse you can sometimes skip one, but if you never show up (especially if other people have already helped you move) that’s very bad. Nobody will say anything, but the group remembers.
If you empathize with having to move a heavy sofa up several flights of stairs with only two people, you help move a stranger’s sofa. There’s no enjoyment. It sucks for everyone. People get hurt and bump around and say, “sorry” and “ow” a lot. That’s what the pizza/beer is for.
Even if you’re moving it at 9:00 am, you crack a beer when you’re done. It’s more volunteer work than civic duty, but it feels more rewarding than a shift at the food bank.
Source: I volunteer for the food bank.
It’s one of those social expectations not everyone is comfortable with. I think it comes from a good place though. It’s essentially community sourced mutual aid. For lack of, you know, easy access to aid from society as a whole.
Enjoyment is not in the act itself. Enjoyment comes from the appreciation of your fellow citizen who needed a thing moved that they were unable to move without help… And pizza.
I don’t find it uncomfortable. You’re there to do a job, you do it, you get your pizza and the appreciation of your fellow human, you go home.
You’re there for a purpose. People want you there for that purpose. You might not be good at it, but you’re there and that’s the important part. At the end of the day, the thing is done.
It’s a social contract, and it’s not exclusive to guys.
This was the norm when I was young. Comfort with the situation varied, of course. But, to refuse would be more uncomfortable.
If you know a guy with a truck, and you know another guy who needs a guy with a truck, you wouldn’t connect them?
And how it’s done in Japan if friends don’t help?
We pay professionals to move it. It cost about 50$ - 100$.
As an another Japanese person, i just felt this story is really wholesome and how humanity in general should be like.
I agree that this story depicts one of the beautiful aspects of human nature. It also sheds light on what has been lost in the process of modernization.
However, when I actually try to imagine myself living in that society, I don’t feel like I could survive in it. I guess it’s a typical Japanese response.
Reading the comments made me realize a couple of things.
When I said it sounded “exhausting,” I wasn’t really talking about the physical work of moving the sofa. I meant the effort of maintaining the relationships behind it. In many cases, the pizza isn’t really the reward. From a Japanese perspective, sharing a meal with someone can actually feel like the more demanding part unless you’re very close. Sometimes, even with close friends, it can feel like a bit of an obligation.
I think we have a different idea of what “neighbors” and “friends” mean. For many people in Japan today, neighbors are essentially strangers. There are probably still rural communities where neighbors help each other, but that’s much less common in cities. As for friends, we generally don’t rely on them for everyday necessities. Of course we’re happy to help our friends when they need it, but friendship itself isn’t expected to function as part of the infrastructure of daily life. We don’t stay friends because we need each other. We stay friends because we enjoy each other’s company.